Banned from Walmart

BANNED FROM WAL-MART...

This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she loved to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart:

Dear Mrs. Gilbert, Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Gilbert are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away.'

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed,’ Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through yelled, 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed, 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'and last, but not least...

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'
Sincerely,
Wal-Mart

Was it good for you?

For those of you with a dirty mind I was talking about your Valentine's Day! Ours was pretty low key. We didn't spend much money since things are tight here. Jobs are scarce and pockets are empty, but by no means did that mean that we couldn't have fun. Instead, we sat down with the kids and made paper Valentine cards, cooked strawberry shortcake, and made heart shaped pancakes. It was fun but I am surprised at my daughter's attention span being so short. She is quickly bored lately and was off wanting to do the next thing before I finished cleaning up. Hubby and I celebrated later that night with a nice dinner, and a movie. Life can be simple and still be enjoyed.


On a side note, Ravenous Romance has set up a new yahoo group you may want to join.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ravenousromance/

For those of you who don't remember, I have a new ebook coming out through them called Sex and the Single Shoe. You'll hear more about it in the future.

Yeah, I know I've been missing in action for the last couple months but I am going to try to take a few minutes to write a little bit a couple times a week. We'll see how that goes with my other time constraints. Deadlines are a lot of work to keep up with and I have too many to count.

New free story available today

Sex Lies and Videotape is the featured story at Phaze. Go to the top right corner and you can download my free story Sex Lies and Videotape. Hope you all have a wonderful Valentine's Day this weekend.

www.phaze.com

Lots of love,
Missy Lyons
www.missylyons.com

Timeswept's new cover

So I finally got approval on my new coevr for my soon to be released Timeswept. I am hoping this book is going to be one you love and it's my first time travel. It should be available in the next few months from Whispers Publishing.