Saturday, November 14, 2009

Investing time in your relationships

Last night was the first time in along time that I got away from the kids and hada date night with my husband. We went out to eat at Red Lobster, my favorite restaurant of all time, because of the cheese bread, mmmm. But the whole experience of date night in the middle of my 13 year marriage got me thinking. Not everyone would bother having a date when you are already married. Why bother when you already are married? Why not just spend the night home or take a nap to relax? Or veg out in front of the television?

I have seen too many relationships die because they didn't bother to invest time in their relationship. It doesn't have to be a night out at a fancy restaurant. It doesn't even have to cost money but you do need to work at it. Succesful relationships aren't passive. They don't just happen and they do take work. There are a few myths I have gotten over as I grew older. I don't beleive my husband will fill all my needs in life and I don't expect him to. I love him, but it's not up to him to make me happy. Happiness has to come from within first.

I think people should leave healthy balanced lives, and that means not focusing everything they have in one thing. It's important to remember your needs and not to focus on just your kids as a mom. You need to do more than work, and play isn't what you need. Money can't buy happiness, although in my short experience it doesn't hurt. :)

Keeping friends and spouses means investing time in that relationship to keep them alive. It's amazing that even when living together in the same house marriages can grow apart because people failed to give much thought to the other person's needs or wants. You walk by each other day after day, without really communicating. One day you look up after raising the kids twenty years later and ask yourself who you married. Truth is that you won't know if you don't spend time with them, and I am not talking about snuggle time, but the time you hold hands, and talk. The time you learn about each other's dreams and desires. Your goals for the future.

Friends are the same way, requiring time to help them mature and grow.

I feel as a writer we tend to be naturally introverted, focusing on our stories, getting our own tasks done. Writing can lead to a very solitary life. All we do is to sit in front of a computer and type. YOur body needs exercise to be healthy, so it's important to get up and take a break once every now and again. Do a few exercises and get your blood flowing. Take a walk with those you love most.

Don't forget to look up from the keyboard once in a while and look around at those that love you. You deserve that time too.

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